For as much as they tell you about Stop Drop and Roll as a kid, I really expected to be on fire more times in my life.
my internet connection has touched places of my heart that no man has yet discovered
If you ever feel like you’re a bad driver remember that in the entire state of Ohio in 1895 there were only two cars on the road and the drivers of those two cars crashed into each other
*slides up to you* *winks at you* *gets nervous* *stutters* hhEy baby *starts sweating* uhhmm if I could rearrange the alphabet…*wipes away sweat* I’d….I’D PUT U AND ME TOGETHER…. sHiT me isn’t even a letter.. *backs away trying to run away* *trips and falls*
my uncle has 2 children named sam and ella and like 3 years after ella was born someone confronted my uncle about how whenever he was discussing his children it sounded like he was talking about salmonella and then he punched a wall